What needs questioning?

Big question!

Where are you afraid of being questioned?

What part of your life cannot be questioned?

Questioning...always hard, most often fruitful. Recently I was questioned on an approach I was taking. I responded with defensiveness, fear, and anger. My response really surprised me, made me ashamed and filled me with a sense of self-doubt. In this moment, it is not so much the exact issue I was question on it is more the sense of needing to defend, who I am and what I believe. It is the response to being questioned that needs looking at.

I had become emotional and slightly aggressive. I placed myself in the victim role and found myself in a place I had not been in a long time. It was everything I had worked so hard to step away from.

Being questioned was uncomfortable and even painful, yet I know the result of that for me has allowed e to dive deeper into my emotions and sense of self-love and acceptance.

It has allowed me to look at a part of myself I though had healed, moved on, and grown. As I look at it, I know there is more to heal, more to explore, and more to accept.

For most of my life, when I expressed my views it come from a defensiveness, from a place of self-loathing, and a place of fear. I was obese, full of shame and working to prove I was worth something. It was a scary place to be.

When I responded the other day in that same way of defensiveness, it brought up so many issues for me to look at. What a blessing, someone questioning me. Such a simple catalyst, for what in this moment feels defining.

I know my willingness to face this right now feels brave, feels right, feels blessed. My willingness to share the lessons and the journey, I know, is what I am called to do.

In this place of self-examination I am forced to face my humanness, my frailty, my deep desire to make myself a better person, all combined with my desire to love myself more deeply exactly where I am. Strange dichotomy of thought. A desire to improve, yet love myself exactly as I am. How do those two thought live together? How do I come to terms with that?

Loving and accepting self is what we are all looking to do. Yet what I have come to learn is that I need to be able to love all of myself, the good, the bad, and the ugly. As a result of the love, I am able to look at what needs to change through the eyes of compassion and acceptance.
So as I continue to ponder and reflect on this huge topic, I leave you with the idea of self-love.

I leave you with a few questions.

What can your love help you question?

What loving questions need to be asked?