to my knees - my art of prayer

HOW THE WORK BEGAN...

 

Hard for me to express how happy I am to send the invitation to this show out. I have imagined the work in a gallery since the day it began.

Two and a half years ago I began to become ill. I really did not know how ill I would become, I just kept working to stay on top of things. I had begun using a spiritual coach to help me cope.

One Friday morning, we were having a session and I was in a major funk. Part of my illness, pernicious anemia, is depression. At that time I had not been diagnosed, I was just tired, depressed & beginning to fall down. I was frustrated that I was not accomplishing all I desired. I was working on my book, trying to launch my business and creating a new life after ending my abusive marriage, I had lots to do!! Yet I did not have the energy, focus or ability to do them all. I felt like a failure. I was spinning my wheels trying to achieve things and yet little did I know the illness had begun.

So as I shared the pain of failure with my coach, he was trying to get me to see all I had accomplished so far. The loss of over 200 pounds, leaving the marriage, speaking in front of thousands of people, the first draft of the book…and yet through all of that, I was unable to see those as accompishments, I had my eyes on what I could not accomplish.

He suddenly blurted out “Seems like you need a visual rosary.” I said, “What is that?” “Beats me.” He exclaimed…well my mind went a pondering. We hung up and back to bed I went. Those days I was spending huge amounts of time in bed, just lying there. My mind started exploring…my mom and I had prayed the rosary a few weeks before that, during a visit up north. One evening as we were falling to sleep, I noticed her fingers and lips moving. When I asked what she was doing she said praying the rosary. She admitted she had been too lazy to get up out of bed to get it, so she used her fingers to keep count. We then began to pray together, and both drifted off to sleep with prayer upon our lips. It is one of my fondest memories of my mom. She died just about a year later.
 

As I lay there, I began to pray the rosary and fell asleep praying. I slept the whole day I remember. When I woke up the next morning I headed to the studio and begun to putter around with the visions of rosaries in my head. I began pulling elements together and found myself praying as I constructed it. Element by element it began to form.

I knew the rosary would symbolize all the things I was grateful for. I had decided that the flat surfaces would hold little homages to people, events, accomplishments that were meaningful to me.

I knew it needed a cross. I had begun to wear a cross again and decided to use the cross that had been gifted to me by my personal trainer that had helped me relearn how to take care of my body through exercise, prayer and commitment.


As I created and prayed, I began to feel a peacefulness wash over me. I began to create the little collages to honor parts of my life. A cutout from my book, a shell from the day I was divorced, a sunset from a delightful date. I began to see the richness of my life in a whole new way. I still add to this very first piece and will I image for a very long time.


What are you grateful for??